Where is the Hope: Words to Bereaved Parents.
A few weeks ago, just before Christmas, we received news that a relative of my husband and his wife had lost there four day old daughter due to a birth defect. It was of course heartbreaking for my husband and I to hear of another couple who had to say goodbye to their child so soon after hello. For us it brought up a flood of emotions and memories that are always just below the surface. Another family member suggested we reach out to this couple because we share a similar experience. Since then I have been trying to think of a way to help them feel better along their journey but I am struggling It is not that I do not want to reach out to them, I often wish I had someone who had some understanding of what we were experiencing back when we lost Azure. My struggle comes with what to say to help them.
I wish I could tell them that the empty feeling deep inside will eventually go away but that would be a lie. There are days when, even after having my three boys, that the hole in my heart left by Azure's passing feels like a bottomless pit. I cannot tell them that life will ever be the same because it won't. Losing a child is not the end of the world, even though at times it may feel like it, their lives will never be the same. Their will always be that thought of how different things would be had their child survived. I often day dream about what Azure would be like now if she had not gone to Heaven 17 1/2 years ago.
I cannot tell this couple that, even though, they have another child, and may have more children after this, that their family will ever feel whole again. I have spoken with other mothers who have lost children and can say from my own experience, there will always exist a kind of void, an empty seat at the table as it were. Neither can I say that the mourning will end. Once the newness of the loss passes and their wounded hearts begin to heal, they may be able to go days, weeks, even months without weeping but there will also be days when, out of the blue, for seemingly no apparent reason, the tears will begin to flow again as they did that day. There will be days when they are so overcome by the hurt that comes with losing a child that they feel as if they will drown in their sorrow.
In this time when these young parents are looking for hope, none can be found in the answers given by men. No self-help book, shared experiences, or quaint sentiments will be a balm for their hearts. So where is the hope for this young family? What can I say and do to ease their pain?
Their hope lies in the same place my husband and I found ours as do the words they need so desperately to hear, God's Word. God Word tell us that He too knows the loss of a child, an innocent child who died for the sins of others! That God, who holds the lives of billions in his hands, still mourns with each of us. He is aware of our struggles, of our great suffering, and He wants us to know we are NEVER alone, even when it feels He has forsaken us in our sorrow. Matthew 4:5 says "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." And I know this to be true. If we allow God to come to us in our darkest hour, He will lift us up. I would also tell this couple to give their burden over to God, to let Him carry them in those moments when they feel no strength. Let God know how you feel, let Him have your sorrows, your doubts, your fears, and yes, even your anger. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 11:28-30 to "28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
They must know, as all those who mourn for the loss of a child must know, that the only hope for peace and comfort, comes not from the earthly words and actions of others, but from the only hope for the entire world; the love of God through Christ our Savior.
I wish I could tell them that the empty feeling deep inside will eventually go away but that would be a lie. There are days when, even after having my three boys, that the hole in my heart left by Azure's passing feels like a bottomless pit. I cannot tell them that life will ever be the same because it won't. Losing a child is not the end of the world, even though at times it may feel like it, their lives will never be the same. Their will always be that thought of how different things would be had their child survived. I often day dream about what Azure would be like now if she had not gone to Heaven 17 1/2 years ago.
I cannot tell this couple that, even though, they have another child, and may have more children after this, that their family will ever feel whole again. I have spoken with other mothers who have lost children and can say from my own experience, there will always exist a kind of void, an empty seat at the table as it were. Neither can I say that the mourning will end. Once the newness of the loss passes and their wounded hearts begin to heal, they may be able to go days, weeks, even months without weeping but there will also be days when, out of the blue, for seemingly no apparent reason, the tears will begin to flow again as they did that day. There will be days when they are so overcome by the hurt that comes with losing a child that they feel as if they will drown in their sorrow.
In this time when these young parents are looking for hope, none can be found in the answers given by men. No self-help book, shared experiences, or quaint sentiments will be a balm for their hearts. So where is the hope for this young family? What can I say and do to ease their pain?
Their hope lies in the same place my husband and I found ours as do the words they need so desperately to hear, God's Word. God Word tell us that He too knows the loss of a child, an innocent child who died for the sins of others! That God, who holds the lives of billions in his hands, still mourns with each of us. He is aware of our struggles, of our great suffering, and He wants us to know we are NEVER alone, even when it feels He has forsaken us in our sorrow. Matthew 4:5 says "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." And I know this to be true. If we allow God to come to us in our darkest hour, He will lift us up. I would also tell this couple to give their burden over to God, to let Him carry them in those moments when they feel no strength. Let God know how you feel, let Him have your sorrows, your doubts, your fears, and yes, even your anger. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 11:28-30 to "28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
They must know, as all those who mourn for the loss of a child must know, that the only hope for peace and comfort, comes not from the earthly words and actions of others, but from the only hope for the entire world; the love of God through Christ our Savior.
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