Submissive Wife: What does it mean?

A few days ago I wrote a blog post concerning the need for me to change from a selfish wife to a serving wife and I promised to get back to the subject of women's incorrect views of submission.  Since I am feeling the almost obsessive need (driven by anxiety and depression) to write down (or type) my thoughts, I figured now is a good time to address this issue.  Though I am by no means an expert on marriage or the concept of submission I would like to share what the Bible says about submission in more depth than my last post.  

First, lets look at Ephesians 5:22-24
22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

The verse above is taken from the KJV and uses the word subject instead of submit but in this case the meaning is the same.  I added verses 24 because it includes (part) God's requirements for husbands as well.   Something that needs to be considered if we are going to take this portion of the Bible in context.  This verse however, is not the only time in the Bible that women are commanded to submit to their husbands.  Just for comparison's sake, lets look back in the Old Testament.  

Esther 1:20 
And when the king's decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honor, both to great and small.  

So here we have just two examples of the order for a wife to be submissive to her husband.  The Bible discusses submission in the Books of 1 Corinthians, 1 Timothy, Titus, Colossians, and 1 Peter.  So there is plenty of biblical evidence for submission and none against it.  So if there is so much in the Bible about wives submitting to their husbands, why don't more Christian women do it?  That is a good question with a variety of answers but before we get there, I would like to look at the definition of submission itself. 

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary submission is "the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will of authority of another person" (2013). Synonyms for submission are obedience - subjection - subordination. And this is where many women (myself included) take objection with the idea of being a submissive wife: the negative correlation with the word subjection and subordination. Few women in our society want to believe that they are subordinate to men but as a Christian wife who knows God's Word, you know this is the way we were designed. Like it or not, God created men and women different and for different purposes and make no mistake that women were created to be submissive to their husbands.   

Now at this point you might be thinking, wait does this mean you have to do whatever your husband says and always agree with him? I can't have my own thoughts or opinions?  Well yes and no.  Yes, your husband is the head of the house just as the Mayor is the head of the city or the President is the head of our nation.  Though people may disagree with what these people do, ultimately they are obliged to follow the letter of the law, why should following the Bible be any different? Truth is, it shouldn't be.  As far as having your own opinions, if your husband loves you in the way the Bible instructs him to, then he will value your opinion and may even seek it out.  The basic premise behind the idea of submission is that we honor our husbands as head of house hold, that we always look for good in them, and trust their judgement.  Now I know that someone is going to say "But what if my husband isn't a Christian" or "What if he is a jerk?" am I just suppose to submit to him.  Yes you are.  The Bible instructs us to love one another and for wives to submit to their husbands...it does not say these actions are contingent upon the other person's behavior or beliefs.  

Now I would like to go back to the question asked earlier; So if there is so much in the Bible about wives submitting to their husbands, why don't more Christian women do it? First, we can answer this in the same way we can answer other questions concerning not following God's will.  We are all sinner, plain simple truth and to not submit to your husband is indeed a sin.  We can also directly link this "disobedience" to God's word on the "women's lib" movement.  Most of us are familiar with the concept, we've all heard stories about Mom burning her bra and the sexual revolution.  But what ideas did these two things give us about being a submissive wife?  It gave women the idea that being a submissive wife is something to detest and hate. That it is outdated and not truly what the Bible meant. We have been taught that women do not need a man and that if they do have one, they need not heed them.  Though I agree that all women do not "need" a man but if we are married, we do need to heed them.  The sexual revolution taught us that we can have sex with any man we choose without "emotional attachment" or consequences and that sex in marriage is not important.  First, let me reassure that there is no such thing as "casual sex" and that sex in marriage is important.  We are told that we must be strong and therefore outspoken, rude, and in some cases crude (Rosanne Bar ring a bell).  These events and ways of thinking have allowed many Christian women to rationalize not behaving in a godly manner.  

For each of the "arguments" listed above there are certainly Biblical counters.  First, we have the command to be submissive wives, which is something we should do if we truly want to please God.  Second, we know that sex outside of marriage is forbidden (see Hebrews 13:4) and sex in marriage is divine (1 Corinthians 7: 1-40).  And the Bible warns women about being mouthy, rude, and crude (1 Peter 3: 1-4).  I believe it is important to note that each of these verses mentioned in this section lend credence to each other, so there is no escaping the description of a godly woman.  Still having trouble with the concept of being a godly wife, read Proverbs 31.  This is perhaps the most detailed description of what God wants for women.