Kids need Parents, NOT friends

I must warn you, if you are reading this, prepare for a rant because that is exactly what I am about to do and I think there may  be many people who will agree and probably several that won't.  Let me get straight to the point of what is bothering me: Parents who refuse to parent their children!  I was raised in an environment where it was "My house, my rules. You live in my house, you obey my rules!"  My mother never tried to be my friend, though she did make time for things like shopping with us girls, fishing, and just talking, there was never any doubt who the authority in our house was.  Yes, as kids my sister, brother, and I pushed our boundaries, just like every kid does but at the end of the day, Mom was in charge.  In my home now with three boys, one of whom is a teenager, my husband and I are in charge.  We give privileges and we take them away if necessary, we know our children's passwords for all social media they belong to, their emails, and we don't let them hang at friends' houses if we haven't met the friends parents.  We "force" our children to go to church, do chores, and use manners.  No, we are not a perfect family and we are far from perfect parents, but we are Parents, we are the leaders of our family, end of discussion.

However, there are many families in which this is not the case.  It seems this generation of young parents fears the reactions of an angry child and therefore feels a need to be their friend, rather than their leader.  This is very backward, very unbiblical, and is part of the problem with the younger generation.  To get psychologically technical, children both want and need discipline.  Yes, I said want.  You might think that this is a ridiculous assertion, what kid wants to be grounded or spanked? To us the answer seems simple, none but the simple fact remains kids want us to discipline them for several reasons.  First, children, whether they are toddlers, elementary aged, pre-teens, or teens, look to us for guidance in navigating a complex world and in setting boundaries.  They push boundaries as a means of testing for consistency and if they do not get it, they will certainly have difficulty adapting to the world outside their homes.  Second, children need to feel safe, they need to know that when everything changes and so many different views are being shoved into their mind, that their parents are the non-wavering foundation of their lives.  Third, they need to know they are loved.  And though they may not consciously recognize that discipline shows love, they do in their subconscious, especially if they are raised in the church.  A parent who is trying to be their child's friend, demonstrates a lack of consistency and fails to provide their child with an anchor in the rough seas of life. Though the children may seem to enjoy this type of relationship, it does not prepare them for life once they leave home and they often have problems in the classroom when they are young.

God intended parents to lead their children into adulthood as godly, Christ centered, people who love others! He never intended parents to be their children's buddies.  Because I don't believe in making blank statements without backing them up, I would like to provide some examples straight from God's Word.


Deuteronomy 6:6-9 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates

Proverbs 23:13-14 (KJV) Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.


Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.


Now, before you get all caught up in some of these verses, like Proverbs 23:13-14, let me make something perfectly clear, I do not believe that God is literally telling you that if you do not beat your children, they will go to hell.  Though this is one interpretation of this verse, I believe that the true meaning is simply that if we don't discipline our children then we are in fact responsible when their soul rejects God and I believe Deuteronomy 6:6-9 and Proverbs 22:6 support this philosophy.  But then I am no expert in theology so if you have questions you may wish to discuss them with someone who is an expert. 

If we look at Deuteronomy 6:6-9 and Proverbs 22:6, parents are instructed to be their children's teacher and spiritual guide.  Parents are responsible for teaching their children the difference between right and wrong and how to follow God's path.  There is no where in the Bible where your child's friends or peers are given this responsibility, though other adults may be.  And this is why the line between parent and friend should be made very clear from a young age.  Children most often DO NOT view their friends as teachers and their teachers as friends.  Now, none of this means that we can't enjoy time with our children, I know I do.  What it does mean, is we must be willing to step up to the sometime unpleasant task of correction and instruction without fear of "hurting our children's feeling" or making them dislike us.  Remember God gave you specific tasks as parents and to sway from those tasks only hinders your child's development.  


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