Look at Yourself: Teaching your Kids How to Live.
I often grit my teeth when I hear parents, grandparents, teachers, or other adults say "kids these days are so......" (insert appropriate complaint here). This reaction comes from two issues; it sounds very much like something an old person would say and the complaints are an attempt to deflect blame for children's behaviors onto the kids themselves without the adults taking responsibility for their part in it. It also makes today's adults sound as if they were above the behaviors when they were children. However; many of the parents I hear or see (in the case of social media) make these comments are people I knew when they were younger and I am well aware of their behavior problems just as I am of my own. Many of us whether we like to admit it or not, talked back to our parents, sneaked out of the house, viciously fought with or siblings, and demonstrated many other undesirable behaviors. Why? Because it is the nature of the beast. It is part of their sin nature just as it is part of ours.
Now, before people start labeling me as a liberal parent and tearing me apart, I would really like you to hear what I have to say in its entirety. I am not suggesting we not call our children out on disrespectful and disruptive behaviors, as parents that is our job. We need to teach our children right from wrong, and how to take responsibility for their actions. If we do not, we are failing them. What I am suggesting is that as parents we take a good long look at our parenting and our past before we pass harsh judgement on them.
At the risk of sounding like a scientist, I must point out that research shows children are very much a product of the environment in which they live. If your household is full of disrespectful adults, your children will have difficulty showing respect to others. If you don't openly show affection to your spouse and your children, your children will have difficulty loving others, even themselves. The opposite is also true, in most cases as well. And before anyone goes on a rant; notice I said MOST cases. The point is, parents should take a good long look in the mirror before they blame their children for being mouthy, rude, or lazy (whichever may apply). I also urge parents to look at the moral example they are providing for their children. If you have not provided your children with a good moral backing then you cannot expect them to make moral decisions on their own. To be perfectly clear, I am talking Biblical knowledge. Though many parents try to tell their children certain behaviors are moral or immoral without mentioning God, these moral lessons often are not received. All children are created with a "questioning mode", they want to know how, why, when, what, and where. If you are only providing the "because I said so" response, your child will certainly question it and in many cases rebel against it. Children need to know about God, they need to know their is a Savior who loved them enough to die for them and they need you to demonstrate godliness before them.
I know there are some of you our there who may be thinking "I know of children who were raised in the church and they still didn't live moral lives." I won't deny that is true because I have experienced this as well but as parents we are guilty of deep sin if we do not plant the seeds of Salvation in their hearts. What they choose to do with those seeds as an adult is their responsibility. Often times, even if the child wanders from God in young adulthood, they will find their way back once they discover the world has nothing to offer. I know I did and so did my husband. But let me be sure to say this; if you plan to raise your children in the church and teach them to live according to God's Word, you must do the same. Children are smart! Very smart! And they will be the first ones to point out hypocrisy in their parents. Don't ever make the mistake of preaching to your kids about sin while living an openly sinful life. This behavior will chase them away from Christ more quickly than the entire ungodly world.
Your children will act out at some point, I can guarantee it. They will do things that will break your heart and leave you wondering where you went wrong. Even if you have provided them with a well balanced, Christ-like environment, you will still butt heads with them. As I said earlier, it is a part of their sin nature. But how you respond to acting out will often determine who will win the war for your child's morality. As difficult as it may be (and trust me, I know how difficult it can be) you need to respond to your child with love in the forefront of your mind. Don't be quick to point the finger, since Christ is not quick to point the finger at us for our sins, but go instead to the Word to guide you in guiding them and most importantly PRAY FOR THEM. They are just learning how the world works and need prayer to bring them through just as all of us do!!
Now, before people start labeling me as a liberal parent and tearing me apart, I would really like you to hear what I have to say in its entirety. I am not suggesting we not call our children out on disrespectful and disruptive behaviors, as parents that is our job. We need to teach our children right from wrong, and how to take responsibility for their actions. If we do not, we are failing them. What I am suggesting is that as parents we take a good long look at our parenting and our past before we pass harsh judgement on them.
At the risk of sounding like a scientist, I must point out that research shows children are very much a product of the environment in which they live. If your household is full of disrespectful adults, your children will have difficulty showing respect to others. If you don't openly show affection to your spouse and your children, your children will have difficulty loving others, even themselves. The opposite is also true, in most cases as well. And before anyone goes on a rant; notice I said MOST cases. The point is, parents should take a good long look in the mirror before they blame their children for being mouthy, rude, or lazy (whichever may apply). I also urge parents to look at the moral example they are providing for their children. If you have not provided your children with a good moral backing then you cannot expect them to make moral decisions on their own. To be perfectly clear, I am talking Biblical knowledge. Though many parents try to tell their children certain behaviors are moral or immoral without mentioning God, these moral lessons often are not received. All children are created with a "questioning mode", they want to know how, why, when, what, and where. If you are only providing the "because I said so" response, your child will certainly question it and in many cases rebel against it. Children need to know about God, they need to know their is a Savior who loved them enough to die for them and they need you to demonstrate godliness before them.
I know there are some of you our there who may be thinking "I know of children who were raised in the church and they still didn't live moral lives." I won't deny that is true because I have experienced this as well but as parents we are guilty of deep sin if we do not plant the seeds of Salvation in their hearts. What they choose to do with those seeds as an adult is their responsibility. Often times, even if the child wanders from God in young adulthood, they will find their way back once they discover the world has nothing to offer. I know I did and so did my husband. But let me be sure to say this; if you plan to raise your children in the church and teach them to live according to God's Word, you must do the same. Children are smart! Very smart! And they will be the first ones to point out hypocrisy in their parents. Don't ever make the mistake of preaching to your kids about sin while living an openly sinful life. This behavior will chase them away from Christ more quickly than the entire ungodly world.
Your children will act out at some point, I can guarantee it. They will do things that will break your heart and leave you wondering where you went wrong. Even if you have provided them with a well balanced, Christ-like environment, you will still butt heads with them. As I said earlier, it is a part of their sin nature. But how you respond to acting out will often determine who will win the war for your child's morality. As difficult as it may be (and trust me, I know how difficult it can be) you need to respond to your child with love in the forefront of your mind. Don't be quick to point the finger, since Christ is not quick to point the finger at us for our sins, but go instead to the Word to guide you in guiding them and most importantly PRAY FOR THEM. They are just learning how the world works and need prayer to bring them through just as all of us do!!
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