They are watching and listening...More than you think

A few years back there was a series of commercials for chewy granola bars that put children in situations where they repeated things there parents said, thing there parents did not want repeated.  As a parent of three boys, I can sympathize (as I am sure all parents can).  I learned to watch very closely the things I said in front of my kids when they were very little but as they grew older I became a little less guarded (a big mistake) or would only say things when I thought they were out of ear shot (another mistake).  Recently my middle son seems to have developed supersonic selective hearing as he can hear me say cookies in the quietest of voices but if I yell his name for five minutes, he will claim he didn't hear.  Another thing I learned early in my years as a parent is the extent to which children will mimic adult behaviors, behaviors I wasn't even aware that I was demonstrating until my children did them.  One such behavior is the habit of telling myself I am stupid when I make a mistake, such as dropping the dinner rolls on the floor or burning my hand on the stove.  It was not until my oldest son began to berate himself when he would make mistakes that I realized what an unhealthy example I was setting for him.  But the words they speak and the behaviors they copy are the ones that as a Christian I know I should avoid and the ones which will most likely turn others off from my faith.

What they See and Hear

Do as I say...Not as I do.
The above saying is one that I heard a million times as a child.  Okay, my parents may never have spoken them out loud but their attitude spoke them very clearly.  And though there are some behaviors which are acceptable to tell your children are only for grown-ups, such as kissing and walking down the street unaccompanied, some behaviors many adults, including Christian adults, perform are not even appropriate for them.  Some examples of this are swearing, drinking heavily, and looking at pictures of half-naked men (or women).  These are things that the Bible specifically tells us NOT to do and yet we give our children the excuse that "I am a grown-up and this is a grown-up thing."  This gives children the impression that certain sins are acceptable as long as you are an "adult".  Of course this is not at all Biblical.

Worship is for Sundays
There is a quote that goes "Most people spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, the go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure" (Allen, n.d.)  Sadly, for many Christians this is the truth.  They view worship, prayer, spending time in God's Word, and even repentance as a "Sunday thing."  ( please don't think I am pointing fingers because for much of my early adulthood I was like this.) Once again this behavior is not Biblical.  In fact, it is entirely opposite of what the Word tells us to do (Acts 6:4, Mark 1:35, and Romans 12: 1-2).

I didn't really mean that!!
As a parent after I have said something out loud that I did not intend I will catch myself saying "I didn't really mean that."  It is an after thought and a guilt response but in truth most often when we blurt things out, it is precisely what we mean.  I have heard people excuse saying hurtful words by saying "I didn't mean it, I was just angry" but in all honesty, when we are angry we tend to speak exactly what is on our minds because we don't stop to think (or use our internal filters) about what we are doing/saying.  Make no mistake, our kids pick up on this rationalization and use it in there own lives.

Something Needs to Change

Where do We Begin?

Before I attempt to make any revelations about changing our behavior, let me say that I am not an expert in parenting, neither do I view myself as an exceptional parent. I do the best I can and I pray to God to make up for my failures.  That being said, the best place to begin in changing our behavior is catching ourselves before we take action.  One thing I have tried to do is think about the fact that my children are watching and whether or not my behaviors, attitudes, or speech are something I would feel comfortable seeing my children repeat.  

Explain without Excusing 

People are very good at trying to excuse or justify our bad actions especially when we are "caught" doing something inappropriate.  We also may create silly answers for our children about subjects such as Mommy and Daddy kissing and "making-out".  Children will quickly pick-up on the excuse making behavior and repeat it.  Instead of trying to excuse our actions we need to explain that what we did was wrong and then ask for forgiveness as necessary.  It is extremely healthy for children to know that there parents make mistakes and to understand the concept of forgiving others when they err.  Forgiveness is, after all, one of the core truths of Christian faith.  (Luke 17:34, Matthew 6:14-15).   A part of explaining without excusing also includes simply being honest.  Above I mentioned parents who provide silly reasoning for the ways parents show affection to each other.  This is a habit that I have never demonstrated but I know many parents that do.  There is really no reason to make up "creative explanations about being appropriately affection toward your spouse in front of your children, just give them an age appropriate answer.  

Get Your Priorities Straight and Pray

When we relegate time with God for Sunday mornings we place Him low on our list of priorities.  Recently during a Sunday service at church a dear friend and brother in Christ made the statement that if you would rather spend time with anyone more than Jesus, you are not living a Christ centered life.  This statement is absolutely true.  Again, I am not trying to point fingers because if most Christians look at themselves honestly, they can think of many times when Christ took a back seat in their lives.  Changing this habit can be a difficult one and takes practice but if we are to raise young men and women in Christ we need to put Jesus in the drivers seat.  One way to do this is by spending time in God's Word daily.  Not only does this encourage to your children to spend time with God but also you will see growth in your own walk with Him (1 Peter 2:2 - As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby). Also let your children see you pray, pray together as a family, and encourage your children to pray on a regular basis.  Help them to understand that God wants us to come to Him, He wants us to lay our cares down at His feet.  

Philippians 4:6 - Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

Psalms 55:17 - Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.