Your Children's Mother
Mother's Day is a special day in which we celebrate our Moms and all they did for us growing up. For those of us who are Moms, we often celebrate our mothers because we now know what they endured raising us. After all those years of wondering why our mothers did what they did we finally have a realization of the truth, being a Mom is the most challenging thing you will ever do. But I want to address this post, not to children but to fathers.
I once had a man say he did do anything for his wife on Mother's Day because she is not his mother. I wasn't sure exactly how to respond to this at first. I mean that is not an inaccurate statement but it didn't quite sit right with me. Then it dawned on me why. No, your wife is not your mother, obviously, but she is still worthy of celebration on Mother's Day.
Your wife willing gave up so much to bring your children into this world. Her body has endured the trials of having another human being share its limited space. Not only did she have a life growing inside her at a rate that does not take place at any other time (going from an "invisible" group of living cells to fully formed baby in 9 months is nothing but miraculous), but her entire body changed to allow the life to thrive. She gained weight (in my case over 30 lbs in my first pregnancy) had her stomach, rear end, and breasts stretched to almost impossible sizes and her hormones were all over the charts. She endured morning sickness, hip pain, heart-burn, and exhaustion, and this was all before the baby was ever even born. If you have been in the room with your wife when she gave birth (my husband was all four times) then you probably know that the birth process itself is torturous. After all a women is pushing something the size out a bowling ball out of a space the size of a marble. The pain cannot even be described in words and for a women with a c-section, having her abdomen sliced open and the baby pulled out isn't a walk in the park either. And all of this a women joyfully endures to bring your children into this world.
But, clearly pregnancy and the birth process are not all a mother endures. In many cases much of the child care is left up to Mom. Before I go any farther please allow me to make a bit of a side note. I am not saying that you, as a father, don't take care of your children or that some fathers don't put in as much effort as Moms do. However, in the majority of families, it is the woman who is the primary caregiver. That being said, as a caregiver, Moms often find themselves playing a multitude of roles including, housekeeper, cook, nurse, chaperone, guardian angel, and monster chaser. And that is the stay-at-home Mom, when we add a job outside the home to the mix, we add a whole new layer of chaos. Something I recently discovered when I went back to work.
Though I can't speak for all Moms, I can say that most Moms I know, do all of this without any expectation of thanks. We do it because we love our children and for the love of our spouses. However, it is important to remember that even though we do not expect to be applauded or thanked, the mother of your children still need to hear that they are valued, not just by their children but by their children's father!
Now for the divorced fathers, I am not expecting you to send your ex-wife a Mother's Day card or flowers, that would just be awkward, but you need to encourage your children to respect and honor their mother regardless of how you feel about her. Never put-down or berate your spouse in front of your children, this especially true for boys who learn how to be good husbands from their fathers. Remember, you may not feel love toward your ex-spouse but she did give you your children and she will always be their mother regardless of the state of your marriage.
Your wife willing gave up so much to bring your children into this world. Her body has endured the trials of having another human being share its limited space. Not only did she have a life growing inside her at a rate that does not take place at any other time (going from an "invisible" group of living cells to fully formed baby in 9 months is nothing but miraculous), but her entire body changed to allow the life to thrive. She gained weight (in my case over 30 lbs in my first pregnancy) had her stomach, rear end, and breasts stretched to almost impossible sizes and her hormones were all over the charts. She endured morning sickness, hip pain, heart-burn, and exhaustion, and this was all before the baby was ever even born. If you have been in the room with your wife when she gave birth (my husband was all four times) then you probably know that the birth process itself is torturous. After all a women is pushing something the size out a bowling ball out of a space the size of a marble. The pain cannot even be described in words and for a women with a c-section, having her abdomen sliced open and the baby pulled out isn't a walk in the park either. And all of this a women joyfully endures to bring your children into this world.
But, clearly pregnancy and the birth process are not all a mother endures. In many cases much of the child care is left up to Mom. Before I go any farther please allow me to make a bit of a side note. I am not saying that you, as a father, don't take care of your children or that some fathers don't put in as much effort as Moms do. However, in the majority of families, it is the woman who is the primary caregiver. That being said, as a caregiver, Moms often find themselves playing a multitude of roles including, housekeeper, cook, nurse, chaperone, guardian angel, and monster chaser. And that is the stay-at-home Mom, when we add a job outside the home to the mix, we add a whole new layer of chaos. Something I recently discovered when I went back to work.
Though I can't speak for all Moms, I can say that most Moms I know, do all of this without any expectation of thanks. We do it because we love our children and for the love of our spouses. However, it is important to remember that even though we do not expect to be applauded or thanked, the mother of your children still need to hear that they are valued, not just by their children but by their children's father!
Now for the divorced fathers, I am not expecting you to send your ex-wife a Mother's Day card or flowers, that would just be awkward, but you need to encourage your children to respect and honor their mother regardless of how you feel about her. Never put-down or berate your spouse in front of your children, this especially true for boys who learn how to be good husbands from their fathers. Remember, you may not feel love toward your ex-spouse but she did give you your children and she will always be their mother regardless of the state of your marriage.
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