Waiting on the Lord: Learning to let go of me!


    Isaiah 40:31
    But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. 

If I am anything it is impatient.  Much like my children when they were two, I want what I want when I want it.  That is especially true when it comes to dealing with depression.  I want the problem dealt with and gone so I can move on with my life.  I want God to take it away.....NOW!  But I am learning (as I should have learned 16 years ago) that God does not always answer my prayers when and how I want Him too, especially when I walk around stomping my feet and insisting that things get done my way.  Can you see the rationale going through my head?  Can you see the problem?  If you are thinking the problem is I keep talking about I and me, you would be correct.  As with other problems in my life, interference comes from within because of my own selfish needs and desires.  It is a problem common to all people because we attempt to control that which is out of our control and fail to control those things that we can.  We also fail to let go and let God do His job and we are impatient.  

 I know that I have always been stuck in the sin of trying to solve my own problems instead of trusting that God will provide all my needs.  I forget the words spoken in Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  I also fail to look on the times God has brought me through what seemed like impossible odds in my life.  Without any effort, I can think of at least four times in the last 20 years that God has brought me through circumstances that seemed insurmountable. So, if I know these things why do I find it so hard to wait on God....as I've already said, I am too caught up in the me instead of waiting on God and listening for what He is doing in my life.  

 Recently I have begun to seriously examine the path I have allowed my life taken and where it has veered from God's plan.  First, I allowed my own selfish needs to interfere with my marriage and failed to respect my husband and his place as head of household.  I got caught up in the world's idea of what a woman should be instead of God's idea.  Second, I was preaching the Word to others but I was not truly living the entire Word, as is evident from my behavior toward Jene.  Examining my life it was also evident in other areas.  I was negative a lot of the time and just refused to be happy.  Clearly not God's design for my or any believers life.  I also spent time ignoring God's commands because they were just too hard to follow and I am convinced I left the door open for Satan to step in and begin planting seeds of doubt about my entire life, which led to great depression.  

 Now, let me make this perfectly clear, I am not saying all depressive episodes are about the devil but much of what we contribute to biological or "mental illness" in Christians does occur because we are listening to the devil's lies rather than God's truth.  Let's look at some of these clever little lies the devil plants.  "You will never be able to follow God's will, He asks too much," "My life will never be happy," and "You don't love your husband (or wife) anymore, you should get divorced."  Now when these thoughts come, we have a habit of doing one of two things: 1). We either agree with lie, thereby turning against God. 2).  We panic and try to logic our way out of the question on our own.  Neither one of these options is productive and both lead to depression.  

 So then what do we do and how do we know when something is a lie from the devil or how we really are?  Let me answer the second question first. We know a thought is from the devil if it goes against our belief system and God's word.  If you have a thought that is strongly in opposition to life in Christ, you can assume this is from the devil. It is his attempt to separate us from God...to win small victories where he can because he has already lost the war.  

 Now to answer the first question. What do we do when these questions come up?  How should we react?    
The first thing sounds so simple but may be very difficult, especially if you are in the habit of blaming others for your problems (I'm guilty of this).  It is to simply turn to God in prayer.  Admit to Him that you know you have sinned and that you have not been living to please Him.  I have learned that when I turn to God in these situations, avoid demanding that God solve the problem right now.  It is both foolish and selfish to assume that we can demand anything from God.  Try asking God to use this experience to teach you and as Jesus said in the Lord's prayer ask that God's will be done in our lives.  Remember praying and leaving it in God's hands is the first step and you may have to pray this prayer often...I know I do. 

 Second, turn to the Word.  God's Word provides everything we need to know in our lives and the answers to all our questions.  Be warned however, that you may not like the answers.  For instance, lets go back to my last blog post, about being a submissive wife.  When many women in our generation look at the verses related to submission, they may think "that is so old fashioned."  This is wrong thinking as God's Word never goes out of date.  God knows the world now as He knew the world back when the Bible was written and His Word is intended to last for all times, in every generation.  To believe anything else is to believe Satan's lie that we know better than God.  Remember, if you are a true Christian, you will want to live in way that pleases God, even if seems foolish or silly. It may help to read 1 Corinthians 1:18.  

 The third and final step is to wait and believe.  Believe that God will do what He says He will do, that He will bring us through our current struggles to victory for His name.  Then wait for the miracle He is going to perform in your life.  These steps may not be easy and it certainly takes practice to wait on the Lord, to let go of the illusion of control.  You may stumble or lose your place (I know I do) but you must remember 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness  

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